A Complete 360….

You often hear “if only time stood still!” I’ve been thinking that so much of late. As each week passes this year, I am getting closer and closer to having my last baby go to school. The shear thought of this makes me feel sick to my core. I still remember that feeling when Bailey and Sienna started school, but I always had another child to keep me busy so I didn’t have time to really feel those raw emotions. 10 years of having babies, watching them grow and develop into little preppies and once Mia starts prep next year, my life will bring a whole new world!

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Last week I saw a snapshot of what my life will be like next year when I drop all three kids off at school. For the first time since before I became a mum, I dropped Mia at mum’s place for some much needed nanny and Mia time (requested by both parties) and then went to the shops. I met up with a girlfriend, we shopped, had morning tea and ended my expedition with an hour massage. 5 hours to myself on a school day – unheard of – and obviously it’s going to be like this everyday!!! I’m not going to lie – I had a great day, but was bursting for Mimi cuddles by the time I picked her up!

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Mia was such hard work last year. There were times when I questioned – how will I ever get through to her going to Prep and still be sane?!?! But since returning from our trip to the States, turning 4 and starting preschool, she has matured so much and her smart and funny character is the highlight of my day. We have so much fun together and our conversations are amazing. She is my mini me, my shadow, the one who I can turn to when the two older ones come home cranky from a big day at school…I think I’ll be spending a lot of time talking to our dog Sonny next year lol!

There will be a lot of adjusting to begin with, but I know I will learn to enjoy time to myself again. I can’t believe my life has almost done a full 360!!! I will go from “mum this and mum that” to silence. Pushing a pram or holding a little hand to strolling through the shops and leaving without indigestion from shoving my lunch down, before needing to go home for day time naps. My time will be able to be spent a lot more effectively fitting in many more jobs as I’ll be able to be a lot more efficient – it’ll be weird finishing a job without stopping 10 times lol!

I’ve already starting putting a few things in place that’ll I’ll be working on from next year. It’s amazing how many options you’re faced with once you’ve been granted time. I was only saying to one of my friends last week – “how can anyone be bored in life – the options are endless!!!!” Some of my options are: studying my masters, starting a fashion blog, relief teaching in my kid’s school, planning our next trip to the States, moving house and of course working on my next running adventure!! I don’t think I’ll ever find myself lost in the silence of all my children at school!

It’s been a long 10 years with the constant health issues all three kids have presented with, but the light at the end if this tunnel is getting brighter as each year passes which is fantastic!! We are getting to such a great place in our lives with the kids. They all so independent and helpful now, I actually get to spend more quality time with them as the cores around the house are now done by everyone! Yesterday was a classic example of this…before we went to basketball everyone was given a part of the house to tidy up and within 5 mins the house was spotless. The girls also cleaned out the car yesterday while Bay did his project and I pottered around doing other chores…a complete 360!!!!

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Looking back over the years I’ve been lucky enough to be at home with my babies, they will always go down as the greatest years of my life. They haven’t been perfect. They have been hard at times and full of hurdles that together as a party of 5 we have jumped hand in hand together. But one thing is for sure, I’ve loved every moment and will always miss this time for the rest of my life.

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My aim has always been to start each day fresh and always put one foot forward in front of the other. Some days this has been simple and other days this has been a drag. But I can honestly say with each step forward I’ve definitely climbed a huge mountain and as I look back at the mountain I’ve climbed, I’m very proud of what has been accomplished. I now will look forward to the new phase of my life and can’t wait to experience the ‘older’ years with my babies!

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A Letter to Life…

Dear Life,

On the day of my 35th birthday I write this letter as a reflection of what my life has held so far…..

When I was born 35 years ago, I was one lucky little baby girl to be born into the most amazing family I could ever ask for. A beautiful, caring and supportive set of parents and two loving twin sisters 6 years older than I. Growing up I always remember my childhood being a happy one. I have many fond memories of road trip holidays, beach holidays and visiting many different places. A major part of these memories always included my loving grandparents – who I adore at no end.

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I had a good schooling experience both primary and high and was lucky enough to extend my education to a tertiary level and become a primary school teacher. I’ve always had many wonderful friends, some who I’ve known since I was really young and some that I’ve known for a short time but feel like a life time!

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I have always been an active person and played sport my whole life. As a child I did almost every sport imaginable, but as a teen my passion was for my netball – making a state team at 12 was my highest achievement and I still wear my QLD jacket to this day! This passion for an active lifestyle still continues today and at 35 years of age, I can proudly say I can run 20k non stop!!!

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But my biggest achievement in life is creating a life with my wonderful husband who spoils me rotten! I have been lucky enough to birth three beautiful healthy kids who are the apple of our eyes. We work hard to have the life we want for ourselves and our children…it’s far from easy but we get through it together. Nothing I’ve ever done compares to this…loving someone is great, being loved by someone – well that’s just amazing!!!

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Through all the goodness of my life, I’ve seen tragedies. I’ve experienced pain and hurt. I’ve lost loved ones and have seen loved ones experience joy in the darkest of their days! I’ve been scared, felt fear, nervousness, anxiousness and have been overwhelmed at many different things. But one thing I have never done is lost HOPE….

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I’ve had many hurdles placed on my pathway during my life journey so far and I make it my passion to jump over each and every one of them. Some are jumped with ease, while others have needed a lot more work put into them. Some will stand for a long time and maybe forever, but it’s my promise that I will NEVER give up trying to jump them!

35 years you have given me so far. I still can’t believe I’m 35!!!! Someone said to me the other day – “you know that’s half of 70!!!!!!!” Bit of a harsh reminder lol! But each day, week, month, year I’m given, I will always work at being the best me and enjoy what makes me happy! I feel blessed every day for what my life holds and am grateful without a doubt. This little thing called life, is certainly here to challenge us, but it’s also here to embrace for its greatness and I have so much greatness to live for!

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But I do have one wish…please be kind. Be kind to the people I love. Suffering is something I dislike seeing my loved ones do and if I only had one wish to be granted it would be that we are all treated with kindness!

Love Nat!

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Come Up For Air….

It’s been a while since I put my heart on the line and disclosed feelings and thoughts that seldomly go through my head, but it’s been one of those months. You know those months where you feel like your drowning in the pressures of life. The ones where everything in your life has steered off track and it takes all your strength not to have a nervous breakdown…but I’m here to say I lived it, I survived it as I’ve finally come up for air!

February..where do I start?!?

February is always the busiest month of the year for us. It’s the beginning of a new school year which encompasses settling the kids in with a new teacher and class mates and this year in particular was bigger than ever as we established new routines. Thankfully Sienna, who has taken months to settle for the past couple of years, started grade 2 so bravely that she hasn’t caused me a worry in the world…this time it’s been Bailey and Mia.

20150308-200344.jpg If you are a regular follower of my blog, you would know that my son was diagnosed with severe anxiety and a motor and vocal tic late last year. This hasn’t caused any problems for him at school until this year. He still manages to keep his anxiety under control at school, but his tics have become so obvious now that they are evident at school. This lead to an early appointment back to our paediatrician who is now referring Bay to a neurologist to rule out any neurological issues.

Meetings back and forth at the school with Bay’s teacher and the Deputy has now seen him settle in quite well. I’ve started him on magnesium as research has proven it to have a positive affect on people with Tourettes. Magnesium helps to decrease the severity in tics and so far I’m noticing some improvement. I also read an article this weekend where folinic acid and vitamin B12 helps reduce anxiety…I’m willing to give anything a try to help Bailey overcome his anxiety.

Then there’s Mia. Oh Mimsy where will you end up I constantly ask myself?!? Starting preschool for this little cherub has absolutely rocked her world. I thought Sienna’s separation anxiety was bad…Mia has taken it to a whole new level!!! It’s been so bad that she won’t sleep or leave my side when she’s with me. It’s taken 6 weeks, but the last two weeks has seen some positive feedback land in my lap! Although she still cries and frets each day she has to go, she is starting to settle better, interact with her peers and show her teachers what she is capable of. This is a far cry from crying all day, refusing to talk to her teacher and pining over me.

Amongst all of this there was some lovely moments spent when we tripped to the coast to spend time with my beautiful parents on their Palm Beach holiday. It was a shame though that I had to take my work laptop and work on reports that had a strict deadline – a teachers job is an endless job!!! But the reports got done and we always have a ball at our annual getaway with mum and dad!

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20150308-200719.jpg Then of course each February brings about my eldest and youngest’s birthdays. This year I made life a bit easier for myself and had a joint celebration with family. Each child had a cake of their choice and for their actual birthday they took cupcakes to school to share with their friends. I feel like I didn’t put the effort in I normally do for my children’s birthdays, but they were super happy and that’s the main thing.

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20150308-200849.jpg Add to this mix the demands my job plays at this time of year, a change in year levels after the first few weeks of school and a lot of things that played out at work that really made me question…why do I bother?!? Oh and did I mention I hit a car in all of this? And amongst all of this the kids sport started up as well as weekly visits to Bay’s therapist…oh and Kane is working massive hours to boot! One thing after the other was becoming a recipe for a meltdown….

I was spooked. I couldn’t shake the overwhelming feeling of a brick that sat on my head and every time I tried to come up for air, every time I tried to see the light and every time I tried to get the wheels back on my track it felt like another brick was being placed on my head! I kept telling myself “you’ll be right”…”just get through this month and then you’ll be able to breathe again.” I really surprised myself as I hadn’t felt like this for a very long time. I’ve always prided myself on leading a well-balanced life with my running being my therapy. Not once have I missed a kilometre planned out in all of this but I still had an uneasy feeling and I wasn’t feeling my happy self at all…what the hell was wrong with me?!?!

As I counciled myself, spoke to many friends and my dear mother…(although I didn’t bog mum down too much with my problems as she’s suffering a terrible knee problem at the moment) I realised what my problem really was….I’m mentally exhausted. Physically I can keep going and going and going, but with everything that’s going on, particularly with Bailey, I’m utterly mentally exhausted. Where things wouldn’t bother me, they did. Where my patience would be good they weren’t. I literally felt like I was having PMT for a whole month!!!!!!

All of this on the back-end of our overseas trip. I loved our holiday. But 3 massive weeks overseas with three kids under 8 after a huge year that was and since we’ve returned we’ve hit the ground running. We haven’t had that time to recoup and recharge like we normally do at the end of every year. But we knew this would be the case when we decided to go to the States. And I guess having an overseas holiday is like planning a wedding. You spend so long planning it, but the event is over in the blink of an eye. You are on the highest of highs and once it’s over you come crashing down.

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20150308-201056.jpg I’m happy to say now that February is over, the major crashing waves that kept rolling one on top of the other has returned to a semi-calmness or should I say the normal amount of busy and craziness that goes on day in and day out at this house. I have really disliked the way I’ve felt this past month and hope I don’t feel like this again. It’s taken a lot of mental strength and self-regulation to overcome the uneasy feeling that sat in the pit of my stomach for weeks, but I’m feeling back to my happy self again.

I’ve had to really dig deep this past month and tell myself that “I can do this!” on numerous occasions. I’ve drawn on the strength of the people who constantly surround me and make my life an awesome one and I’ve reminded myself constantly how lucky I am. I never gave up on myself. I rode the big wave and waited until it came back to a flat. I like flat…flat is good! I’m finally feeling grounded again and back to being the best I can be in all areas of my life!

I’m so use to dealing with one thing after another but for the first time in a while it was all becoming too much. I was fragile but I’ve built myself back together and after running 17k yesterday (my longest run to date) I’m ready to face the rest of the year!

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Letting Go and Moving Forward!

Is it really 2015 – really??

What happened to 2014??

I don’t know about you, but 2014 had to be the fastest year of my life so far. Or is it that life is so ridiculously fast and busy now, each year is just going by way faster than the next!?!

I’m pretty pleased to see the back-end of 2014. It was a year that saw so many people around us suffer heart ache after heart ache. This all started 5 days into the new year when Kane’s best mate’s dad passed away suddenly of a heart attack. Was such a terribly sad start to the new year and from then on we attended 4 funerals in 6 months – all who were around the age of 60 years old – which is my parents age!! This is the time of life where they should be enjoying their grandchildren and the simple things in life…makes me so sad and appreciate even more my parents!
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2014 was a real roller coaster year – so many ups and downs. It literally felt like we were riding one…we’d plod along and enjoy the highs and as soon as we relaxed into that mode, we came down with a thud! This had a lot to do with the kids health. Mia started with ear infections in February which saw her needing her second set of grommets in May. Unfortunately one grommet has already come out and she currently has an ear infection!!!
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Our boy Bailey had a really rough year. He started it off well and had an amazing football season, but by the end of the football season and after weeks of very irritable and unsettled behaviour, we discovered that his ears were full of fluid and he had hearing loss in both ears, which ended in him needing his fourth set of grommets. He was also prescribed glasses as he is long sighted and has an astigmatism and he is now seeing a child psychologist after being diagnosed with high anxiety. This is also accompanied with vocal and motor tics. It’s been such an emotional time watching our son go through this. I’m looking forward to getting some regular therapy sessions under Bay’s belt so we can start to see some progress.
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2014 also saw many family members battle health issues. Early in the year, my dad was diagnosed with coronary heart disease. It was such a shock to us all but we are so grateful to know this information now and take the necessary precautions to prevent dad having a heart attack. You just never know. The heart is the organ that keeps us alive yet it can go at any time. My heart results altered slightly in this past year as well. It’s the first time this has happened since being diagnosed with a dilated aorta. It was a reality check for me yet again, but like dad’s heart I appreciate every day that I have a chance to stay on top of my defect!

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To end the year of ups and downs on the health front, my grandad fell and broke his hip. This saw him operated on and hospitalised for 6 weeks. He is currently back home and with the help from my always amazing mother and as many of us who are able to help, grandad is settling in back home nicely! He is getting stronger every day and it’s wonderful to see! Gramps has been through a lot especially with nana passing away 18 months ago, but family is what keeps him going!

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2014 for us was a year of mishaps! At times I felt like a skittle being knocked over by a bowling ball. We’d get one thing sorted and then something would happen. While saving for our trip to the U.S and kids needing grommets, we had our car break down twice, our hot water system played havoc on us for months before we finally hit the jackpot – if I had to endure one more cold shower I was going to SCREAM!!! This year has really highlighted the age of our home and now that we don’t have an overseas trip to save for we need to show some TLC towards it!

But what is life without drama?? It wouldn’t be life!!

All this said so many wonderful things happened in 2014….

*We celebrated each birthday and special occasion in style with me baking and creating many different master pieces!

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*We created so many wonderful memories and as I scroll through my 3000 plus photos on my phone, we were so busy making those memories. From beach trips to playground adventures and many swimming occasions, our children are very lucky!!

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*We celebrated our 10 year wedding anniversary with an amazing weekend away at Palm Beach – something I’ll never forget!

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*We couldn’t be more proud of how the kids have gone at school, both academically and socially, the kids have done an amazing job all round!

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*We’ve watched Mia go from a toddler to a little girl who is very intelligent – she’s like a little old lady who has been here before and it’s been a pleasure to be able to spend another year at home with her 5 out of 7 days a week. I can’t believe this is her last year before she starts prep!!!

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*I’ve maintained my health and fitness to a level I never thought was possible – running my longest run to date of 16k was such a fist pump moment and am so looking forward to a new year of running goals and challenges!

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*But our two biggest highlights of the year have been featuring in That’s Life Magazine and our 3 week trip to America!! What a thrill both experiences have given us. It’s really enabled us to have the confidence to take on many other challenges and adventures in the future!

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But like each year, non of this would be possible without our hard work as parents, the hard yards Kane puts in at work for us, the help, love and support of my parents and from family around and from the support and friendships that we are blessed to have.

Now the new year has begun, there are so many things I’m glad to see the back-end of, but there are many amazing things I don’t want to let go of! But with each new year brings a fresh start to create a new bunch of memories and for us we are off to a great start, by starting the new year with a week at our favourite annual holiday paradise – Burleigh! We have one more week left before Kane goes back to work and two weeks left before Mia starts preschool! Then after that school and sport will resume and in a blink of an eye we will be putting up the Christmas tree again lol!

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I have no expectations on this year. My expectations on life now do not change from one year to the next, I simple live each day and moment as it comes and enjoy the highs and hold on for the lows! My life and my loves are my main priority and as long as they are happy and healthy, then that makes me the happiest person on earth!

Happy new everyone…make every day count!!!

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I’m Back!!!

It’s been weeks since I put my fingers to keys and typed a blog. I have wanted to on so many occasions but the truth is, aside from being super busy all of the time, I’d lost my way with it a bit. I love my blog and what it represents, but writing is one of those things if you don’t have it, you don’t got it. And I truly felt I’d lost it.

As I opened up My Party of 5’s web page tonight, I started reading all the mail in my inbox – lots of positive feedback. I then browsed over my blog’s stats and although I haven’t published a post in a while, there is never a day that goes by without people reading my blog…I’m now over 22,000 views – I’m very humbled by that.

This was the first step in getting me back to what I love to do – write and share ideas in the hope that I help just one person!

A quick rundown on life as it stands…

We’ve had a massive year so far with loads of birthdays, which means I’ve done a lot of baking!! The kids are settled into school and doing really well. Mia is growing and learning more and more each day. At the end of next month they would have all celebrated their birthdays and will be 8, 6 and 3! Life as we knew it with a baby is all but gone. It’s a sad thought, but we have so much to look forward to.

Between my two days of teaching being very busy and full on and Kane working 12 hour days, the working week is a juggling act between school functions, homework, play group and sport. Bailey is playing footy again this year and is having a great year. Sienna has started a netball program that is skills based and is loving it. Mia is our little fish and loves her swimming teacher Josh! I’m still keeping fit and healthy by exercising 6 days a week and maintaining a healthy diet and getting as much sleep as I can. And my husband is in his glory as it’s the footy season!!!

We still ride the rollercoaster of life with many highs and lows but nothing major to complain about. You get knocked down and you dust yourself off and start again…and again lol!

Now I’ve started, my aim is to write weekly posts and In the coming weeks I will be blogging about some of the projects I’ve been working on, how my fitness stands at the moment, dealing with anxiety, fashion findings and how the pain of losing my nana is as raw as it’s ever been.

Thank you to the people who read my blog…I really do hope it helps someone!

Nat:)

 

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Life After Death…

As the softness of her breath became slower and slower and eventually became her last, her soul left our world and ventured into another…..

When nana left us 11 weeks ago, everything for us stopped. Our hearts broke, our tears fell and we felt like we were never going to be the same again. The lady who we loved and adored was never to be apart of our lives on earth again. As we left the hospital that day though, life on the outside kept going. Everything around us kept going like nothing had changed, but for us we had to come to terms with the biggest change in our lives so far! It was a hard pill to swallow at first. We were breaking on the inside but to the outside world nothing had changed!

The minutes kept ticking, days kept flashing by, traffic lights kept changing, the sun kept rising and trains kept passing by. The birds kept chirping, the postman kept delivering, grass kept growing and the bills kept rolling in. It’s an awful thought that once you leave this earth, life after death will never really be the same again for the loved ones who have lost – yet the world still can manage to exist….!

Today is my nana’s 81st birthday! It is the first birthday that we don’t get to give nana a present, kiss or cuddle. It’s the first birthday that we don’t get to enjoy a favourite meal of hers with her. It’s the first, so it hurts the most;( We are determined to keep nana’s memory alive and to never forget the unbelievable person she was, who taught us how to be strong and resilient! 80 years on this earth – working hard everyday of her life is nothing to forget!!! So to celebrate the day nana was born, we decided to make a day full of nana’s favourites:)….

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Ahhh the memories…if only we could celebrate one more….

Because today is a work day, we celebrated nana’s birthday a little earlier on Saturday. We went out to the cemetery, took cupcakes and balloons, sang happy birthday to nana and placed flowers on her resting place! We laughed, we cried and spoke to nana as we know she is with us all the time…

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That afternoon we went back to my sister’s house and indulged in all the delicious foods that were nana’s favourite and that she would cook us over the years. We had roast lamb with baked veggies and cheesecake and dumplings and custard for dessert…it was a beautiful way to remember and celebrate nana’s birthday!

Today is a harsh reminder that nana won’t be here to celebrate birthdays, Christmas and the like from now on. It’s another example of a day that will continue to roll by without nana present. But although she’s not physically with us anymore I believe and will always believe that nana is with us spiritually! She has to be. Life after death has to continue in the form of a spirit! I am a firm believer in angels and nana was an angel to me when she was living and forever she will be my angel walking beside me!

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Happy birthday my beautiful angel! May you be celebrating with loved ones on the peak of roof tops, doing the hot shoe shuffle!

Establishing a Happier You!

Life is so much more enjoyable when you are happy! To me things flow better, chores get done more efficiently, decisions are made more easily and when life throws a curve ball at you, instead of resisting it and curling up in the fetal position, you have enough mental strength to face it head on! For almost two years now, I’ve been working on a new me – a happier me! Finding out about my heart condition really put things into perspective for me…the mantra I live by now is ‘we only have one chance at life, so it’s up to us to make a good go of it!’

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I’ve always been a happy person who loves to laugh and have a good time, but over the years, I would let things get to me and get me down. I would stress over the smallest of things and crack up at the kids and lose my patients at very little. For a long time there while I was pregnant and breastfeeding one baby after the other, I was running on empty. Lack of sleep, teaching two days a week, raising three children and running a house became overwhelming! For me the turning point was finding out about my heart. Although not a ‘happy’ situation to be faced with, once I got my head around what I was living with, it changed the way I started looking at life! Instead of wrapping myself up in cotton wool, I’m grateful and happy that I know about my heart and I work hard everyday to keep myself fit and healthy to help my condition!

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I believe I’ve evolved over time. I’ve grown to appreciate the small things in life. As normal human behaviour has it, we always want what we can’t or don’t have, when really we should be happy with what we’ve got! These days I purely focus on that. I may not have a huge fancy house, drive a BMW or wear designer clothes…I have so much more to be happy about! I have a loving husband, three beautiful children, a devoted family and a number of fabulous friends…not an ounce of money could buy me that!

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At the end of the day, like anything, being happy is a choice! The first step to being happy is wanting to be. From there it’s up to the individual to do things that make them happy. For me that involves lots of things….
*spending time with my party of 5
*cuddles with my babies
*laughing with my husband and children
*dinner date with my husband
*seeing my babies happy
*spending time with my family
*date with my mum and sisters
*chatting to my mum
*time with my friends and their babies
*running
*keeping fit and eating healthy
*baking and cake decorating
*my nana’s beautiful face
*playing around on instagram apps
*having a tidy house
*getting my hair done
*shopping
*painting my nails
*writing blogs
*knowing I’ve helped someone
*being organised
*the sunshine
*going on holidays…just to name a few:)

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I feel very blessed everyday for what my life holds. And although we’ve been through some terribly sad times this year and throughout my life, I still try so hard everyday to focus on being happy and appreciating what I have. For me positive thinking and patience comes so much more naturally now and I believe my happiness has contributed to this! I also believe that when you are happy, everyone seems happier around you. When I wake up every morning I’m happy, because I feel blessed that I’ve been granted another day with the beautiful people that I love…and then I go like a crazy women to fill my day with as much as I can….and this makes me happy!

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Smile and be happy…we have so much to be happy about!

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Happiness breeds happiness….

Running Free….

Body upright, one foot in front of the other, I can do this!
I have children, I have a husband, I have parents, grandparents, siblings, nieces, nephews, family and friends who I need to keep going for!

The past two months have been like a living nightmare that I just want to wake up from. So much devastation. So much heartache. So many tears cried. So much bad news!

Wednesday morning I was awoken to the third piece of devastating news that someone in my dear family has had to endure over the past few weeks. I was left feeling beaten with sadness. Yet again the tears flowed. Just when you think you’re all cried out, your eyes just seems to keep weeping fluid of hurt and despair. I laid under my doona and imagined running away….

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I imagined running free from all the hurt, the pain, the sadness, to a place where it was full of happiness and no stress. Everyone was healthy! There was no such words as death or illness, only fun and fortune! I imagined scooping my party of 5 up and whisking them away to a secluded island where we played in the sun, sand and water all day and couldn’t be contacted by anyone….this is how I felt on Wednesday! Clearly this was a women on the edge of her emotions, who couldn’t bear to see anymore of her loved ones go through pain!

Then I woke up on Thursday and I did run. I ran 5km pretty fast, which helped me to pull myself together. I told myself while I was running that everything will be ok. At the end of this dreadful cycle there will be happiness and good health. We will all come out of this stronger than ever and our family unity will be as tough as nails!

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Now that I’ve kicked my own butt back to reality I’m ready! I’m ready to support my loved ones who are hurting and going through the lowest of lows! I need to be there for my grandad and mum. I need to be there for my other family members who are suffering broken hearts at the moment. I need to be there for my children, who in this disaster cycle look at things so innocently. I need to be a supportive friend to those who need me the most and I need to keep calm for myself. If I don’t keep calm and my heart is affected by all the added stress that is going on I won’t be here to support my loved ones!

From today I’m going to take each day as it comes. Take each situation as it comes and deal with it appropriately. I will stop and enjoy the small things in life. I will accept help when offered and I will stop and breathe when I feel overwhelmed! I will fix a situation where I can and let fate take care of the rest! If I’ve learnt anything over the past month, life is what it is. There is nothing we can do to change a bad situation, but we can make it easier to deal with by being there for each other and only keeping those ‘running free’ thoughts as imaginative ones!

To all my loved ones who are going through a tough time, I love you and am always here for you xoxoxoxox!

What Becomes of a Broken Heart?

Life is precious. Life is a treasure. But sometimes life is just unfair!!! After watching my nana suffer with Parkinson’s Disease for the past 5 years, we found ourselves saying a lot, that is was just ‘unfair’ that nana had to live out her life with a debilitating disease that day by day took her ability to live a good quality life. Then to pass away the way that she did, we found ourselves again saying that it was just unfair!!! Our hearts broke in a million pieces the day nana took her last breath on this earth…now what becomes of our broken hearts??

If that wasn’t bad enough, last night my cousin and her husband had to say goodbye to their precious baby boy at the young age of 6 weeks old. Now how ‘unfair’ is that! Having to cope with a broken heart from losing a love one is one thing, but losing your child has to be the most unfair card dealt in a lifetime…now what becomes of their broken hearts!

17 years ago my uncle lost his wife, 7 years later his first-born child was tragically killed in a car accident – again how ‘unfair’ is that and what has become of his broken heart??

There are so many sayings that keep going through my head:
Whatever doesn’t break you makes you stronger…
Things happen for a reason…
Things happen to people who can handle it…
But why does it need to happen in the first place!?!?

This year has been terrible! I feel like it’s been one bad news story after another and not just with our family with lots of people! Every time I turn the news on or read any social media, someone is grieving or someone is fighting for their life….from this means lots of broken hearts have happened – what becomes of them?

I believe I am a very positive person and try not to let things get me down. But lately, with what our family has been through over the past few months you do start to question the faith that you’ve always held!

As my beautiful family try and start to rebuild the faith that has been lost of late, I’m trying to keep a positive mind and focus on the things that do become of a broken heart…
*strength
*courage
*character building
*the bond of a family unit becomes even more united
*the legacy our loved ones have left, allow us to keep moving forward in memory of them!

No one can mend a broken heart, time is the only thing that will help it to heal. The time is not measurable but with the love and support of family and friends around it sure helps take the edge off!

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Our Pathway Back to Normality!

It’s been over a month now since my beautiful nana passed away. The road back to normality has been bumpy with a few twists and turns. I know it’s going to be like that for a while. Each day starts a new step forward. Some days you feel like you’ve made progress with a couple of steps and then other days you feel at a standstill and even regress a step. It only takes the kids doing something funny to put a smile on your face or the feeling of satisfaction when your house is clean, the washing is up to date and a nice meal has been cooked to feel like you are moving forward. But then it only takes a song, a photo or a smell to bring back a memory – a memory that is so great your heart hurts like anything!

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With the school holidays coming to an end and a new semester of school about to start, I’m hoping the pathway back to normality will start to form shape. Over the past two weeks, having all the kids home and celebrating my eldest daughter’s 5th birthday has started to pave the way for some happy times. We’ve done many things to keep ourselves busy such as: play dates, lunches, walks, movies, trip to town and just relishing in each other’s company!

School holiday fun:

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It’s been nice to do things around the house that I haven’t had time to do. It’s been nice spending time with my party of 5. It’s been nice to get back into my baking and cake decorating again and it’s been nice just to sit back and take in what my life holds and appreciate it!

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Now it’s time to release myself to the world again….bit by bit I’m starting to want to do things again. I’ve enjoyed spending time with some of my beautiful friends over the past two weeks. My running goals are set for the rest of winter and I plan on blogging more than I have been. The past few months has led me to focus solely on the most important things at hand and that has been my loving family. We will continue to be there for each other during our grieving process, but slowly but surely we will start venturing out a little bit more. There are still things I haven’t brought myself to do yet, but I know once the winter months are over and the sun shines brightly more and more, I will feel the urge to do those things.

For now though, as I sit here and enjoy a day of sunshine, I will continue to be the best I can in all the areas of life that I am. There will never be a day where I don’t think of the courageous women I call my nana, nor will I stop shedding a tear from time to time. But I will live life and enjoy it just like my beautiful angel would want me to, all while she travels along side of me each and every day!

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