Spring Has Sprung!

Spring has surely sprung and this year it sprung quite early!!! I just LOVE this time of year. Spring is my favourite season of all time (apart from summer of course). The beautiful clear skies, longer days, sunshine and flowers that bring lots and lots of colour! It’s the time of the year where we can pack away our jackets and scarves and start to show the world our skin again. It’s the time of year where we come out of hibernation and get ready for the festive season!!

Well I’m almost ready to think about Christmas! It’s VERY early for me to say that, but because we have been spoilt with spring spilling over into winter, I started on my ‘spring to do list’ early! (Apart of me wants to see the back end of this horrid year too). Since the beginning of August I’ve been cleaning, sorting and redecorating each section of my house. Where I would normally be only just starting my ‘spring cleaning’, I have almost finished! It’s funny how once the temperature rises, after have a few months of the cold, our bodies go into cleaning overdrive – well mine does anyway lol!

So far I’ve…
*Cleaned the windows and normally would clean the blinds but this year we installed new ones on all the windows.
*Cleaned the oven
*Cleaned the fridge and freezer
*Cleaned the microwave
*Scrubbed my kitchen cupboards, particularly the kick boards.
*Tidied up areas of the house (inside and outside) that were accumulating piles of nothing so that everything now has a place!

All I have left now is…
*Clean the walls
*Sort the kids clothes ready for the new season.
*And my husband needs to gurney out the front and back of the house!

20130923-070026.jpg

20130923-070038.jpg
My nice organised clean fridge and freezer and sparking clean oven!!
It’s a great feeling when your house has had a once over!!!

I love spring fashion! The weather allows us to wear a mix of our winter and summer wardrobe and it’s the time of year where you can wear all your brights and bring out your flowers to accessorise. My favourite two colours at the moment are yellow and coral…I can’t get enough of them. Whether it be clothes or accessories they are the first two colours I go for! These two colours certainly brighten up my day!

20130923-132833.jpg

20130923-132844.jpg

Aside from my spring cleaning frenzy and my love of spring fashion, spring allows us to spend our days outside soaking up the beautiful weather together, while creating more wonderful memories. And what better way to have the kids home for the school holidays!! We have so many fun things planned that include play dates at playgrounds, the local pool and the beach!

20130923-133406.jpg
Taken on our first trip down at Wynnum this season…so many outings to look forward to!!

I’m hoping now we’ve venture into a new season things will start to feel happier for our family. We sure had a terrible winter with my beautiful nana passing away on June 1st. Now the flowers are blooming and there are more butterflies than ever, we can find some comfort in knowing Nana will be around everywhere!

20130923-191808.jpg
Fluro and floral…yep it’s spring time!!!

Keep an eye out later in the week for my post on ‘A Freshen Up’…a look inside my home at my new decorating pieces!

Connie Confidence!

Am I dreaming? Is it really the end of term 3? That’s really scary. This means in about 3 months time my little preppie won’t be a preppie but a big grade one girl!! How can that be. It only feels like yesterday I was nervously walking her into prep for the first time. It only feels like yesterday that she was screaming while clung to my leg not wanting me to leave her behind;( It only feels like yesterday she was suffering from separation anxiety…..how things have changed!

20130915-164751.jpg
First day of prep…

If you’re a regular follower of my blog, you would have read all about the troubles we encountered with Sienna at the beginning of the year when she started prep. To sum it up – it was two weeks of hell!! Two weeks of tears and fears. Two weeks of my heart being ripped out of my chest every time we said goodbye. Two weeks of me experiencing one of my parenting fears, but thankfully it only lasted two weeks. After two weeks the tears stopped, the pains in the belly before school became less and less and my beautiful girl started to smile and relax into the place that she calls school! It took the whole of the first term to really settle into the routine of school and the expectations of learning, so by the time term 2 came around she was completely in ‘drive’!

Today as I write this piece, my little (well not so little but very tall) preppie is far from the girl she was 8 months ago. She now beams with confidence. She now walks with her shoulders back and her head up high. She now participates in anything that is offered to her. She is now independent and is starting to take risks. She now can confidently read, write, count and make connections and apply what she is learning to the real world. She is the girl that we’ve always seen at home at school. As a parent all you want for your children is to feel happy, safe and have the confidence to ‘have a go’! Now that this has been achieved, I’m so happy and content. It’s been a long road ‘in progress’, but the foundations that have been built so far, is an amazing starting point for my daughter’s education.

This week Sienna received her first student of the week. All year she has watched and celebrated her peers getting an award on parade and never once has she been upset or disheartened by not receiving it yet. I work on parade day and each week I would feel sad that I wouldn’t be there to see her standing up on stage holding her award, but luck was on my side!! Parade for the first time ever, was changed to a Wednesday. When I dropped Sienna off at school it was like music to my ears when her teacher told me she was getting student of the week! I quickly made a call to my mum who met me up at the school and together we sat there with such great delight and watched a very proud and excited prep girl, who walked confidently across the stage holding her award! I was so proud it brought a tear to my eye. Her award was for working really hard on learning her sight words and reading!!! She so deserved it and was well worth the wait for everyone!!!

20130915-170349.jpg

20130915-170358.jpg

20130915-170406.jpg

I titled this blog ‘Connie Confidence’ as Runcorn Heights do a program called ‘You Can Do It’. It’s a program that promotes engagement and achievement, positive behaviour and well-being while supporting the students social and emotional capabilities. When students are seen showing confidence, resilience, persistence organisational skills and getting along with their peers, which are the four key areas, they receive a ticket which goes into a barrel and names are drawn out on parade for a reward. It’s a great program that is heavily immersed into each classroom and has thoroughly assisted my daughter with the issues she faced at the beginning of the year!

It’s so wonderful to see Sienna happy in her own skin at school now. It’s going to be a sad day when she has to say goodbye to prep and leave behind her safe haven and her amazing prep teacher and aide. But my Connie Confidence daughter has fought her toughest battle and from here on she is only going to become better and better as her schooling journey continues. I’m looking forward to seeing what direction her path takes – it’s such a great experience to be apart of!

20130915-170214.jpg
So proud of my girl:)

“To me my dad is…”

A mother has a special bond with her children – one like no other, but a father has a special bond with his children as well….

When I was born, I was blessed with not only an incredible mother, I was blessed with the most amazing man who I call ‘dad’!

To me my dad is….
The first man I ever loved.
The first man to ever love me.
The first man to comfort me.
The first man to make me laugh.
The first man to make me happy.
The first man to teach me things.
The first man to protect me.

To me my dad is….
My hero.
Loyal, loving and kind.
Helpful and caring.
Hardworking and energetic.
Thoughtful and giving.
Someone I can talk to and laugh with
The best dad and the best poppy anyone could ask for!

Father’s day is a wonderful day to spend time with our dad’s and reflect on the great job that they do! Everyone’s father plays a different role in their lives. Some are hands-on, some are the main provider so aren’t home as much, some are passive, some are absent and some are just big cuddly bears that love to role around on the floor and have fun! In the end a father’s love is one like no other!

Today I’m grateful for my wonderful father who has always been amazing to us kids and his grandkids – I feel so blessed to have him! I’m also grateful that my children have a loving and devoted father who love them unconditionally – it makes me happy that my children will be able to look back and have the fond memories of growing up that I have:)

Today we created more memories together as a family….

20130901-201855.jpg

20130901-201905.jpg

20130901-201912.jpg

20130901-201923.jpg

20130901-201947.jpg

20130901-201954.jpg

20130901-202005.jpg

20130901-202014.jpg

20130901-202024.jpg

20130901-202035.jpg

20130901-202106.jpg

20130901-202115.jpg

20130901-202121.jpg

20130901-202130.jpg

20130901-202138.jpg

20130901-202149.jpg

Happy father’s day to the main men in my life…

20130901-203513.jpg

Our Masterpiece….

A dictionary defines a masterpiece as…the greatest work, as of an artist….
Let me reveal our masterpiece – which I think is the greatest work we’ve ever created….
20130824-145342.jpg
Our 3 beautiful babies who make up our party of 5!

This week has been another long and busy one (so very normal lol)! But it was certain moments that happened in the week that made me pause and embrace our masterpiece for what it is…

We’ve been working on our masterpiece for 7 and half years now and it will forever be a work in progress. When moments like; watching your eldest wipe your youngest’s ice-cream face (without being asked to), being surprised by your 5-year-old when she took the washing off the line (without being asked to) and hearing your 2-year-old say to her big brother “you played well Bay” after his footy match (without being told to), just makes your heart melt. It’s moments like these that I can’t always capture in a photo, but will forever be implanted into my heart and memory bank! These moments define our masterpiece for what it is.

20130825-144905.jpg
Mia excited to see Bailey after his footy game!

We’ve worked hard over the years to instill the values of; love, loyalty, kindness, trust and respect in our children. These are not things that our children are automatically born with, they’ve had to be consistently taught and guided on how to use these values appropriately. There are days where you feel like you’re a tape recorder on repeat – saying the same thing over and over again, but when moments happen where your children are displaying the desired values, it makes all the hard work of sounding like a broken record worth it!

20130825-151222.jpg

In saying all of this, our masterpiece is far from perfect. Like any masterpiece, there are days when things flow and work beautifully and there are days that seem disastrous! But that’s where our learning comes from. We don’t let those days make us feel defeated, instead it makes you more determined to work harder on your masterpiece the next day! Like anything you take the good with the bad….I embrace the wonderful moments when they happen and strap on my seatbelt real tight on the days that seem like such hard work!

20130825-152025.jpg

I’m so proud of our masterpiece so far. The love we share for each other, the support we give each other and the team work that is displayed within the home is something I love to just sit back and take in from time to time. This week I’ve found myself just sitting and watching with pride as our children, the ones only us created, have displayed some beautiful behaviours and manners. But it doesn’t stop here. Our masterpiece is like a puzzle with a million pieces that we just keep working on until it’s complete. It’s a work in progress, that may never get finished, for as long as we are on this earth, we will always be guiding our masterpiece through life!

20130825-152910.jpg
Our babies are so worth the effort xoxo

Life After Death…

As the softness of her breath became slower and slower and eventually became her last, her soul left our world and ventured into another…..

When nana left us 11 weeks ago, everything for us stopped. Our hearts broke, our tears fell and we felt like we were never going to be the same again. The lady who we loved and adored was never to be apart of our lives on earth again. As we left the hospital that day though, life on the outside kept going. Everything around us kept going like nothing had changed, but for us we had to come to terms with the biggest change in our lives so far! It was a hard pill to swallow at first. We were breaking on the inside but to the outside world nothing had changed!

The minutes kept ticking, days kept flashing by, traffic lights kept changing, the sun kept rising and trains kept passing by. The birds kept chirping, the postman kept delivering, grass kept growing and the bills kept rolling in. It’s an awful thought that once you leave this earth, life after death will never really be the same again for the loved ones who have lost – yet the world still can manage to exist….!

Today is my nana’s 81st birthday! It is the first birthday that we don’t get to give nana a present, kiss or cuddle. It’s the first birthday that we don’t get to enjoy a favourite meal of hers with her. It’s the first, so it hurts the most;( We are determined to keep nana’s memory alive and to never forget the unbelievable person she was, who taught us how to be strong and resilient! 80 years on this earth – working hard everyday of her life is nothing to forget!!! So to celebrate the day nana was born, we decided to make a day full of nana’s favourites:)….

20130819-183733.jpg

20130819-183740.jpg
Ahhh the memories…if only we could celebrate one more….

Because today is a work day, we celebrated nana’s birthday a little earlier on Saturday. We went out to the cemetery, took cupcakes and balloons, sang happy birthday to nana and placed flowers on her resting place! We laughed, we cried and spoke to nana as we know she is with us all the time…

20130819-062530.jpg

20130819-062538.jpg

20130819-062544.jpg

20130819-062551.jpg

20130819-062556.jpg

20130819-062602.jpg

20130819-062609.jpg
That afternoon we went back to my sister’s house and indulged in all the delicious foods that were nana’s favourite and that she would cook us over the years. We had roast lamb with baked veggies and cheesecake and dumplings and custard for dessert…it was a beautiful way to remember and celebrate nana’s birthday!

Today is a harsh reminder that nana won’t be here to celebrate birthdays, Christmas and the like from now on. It’s another example of a day that will continue to roll by without nana present. But although she’s not physically with us anymore I believe and will always believe that nana is with us spiritually! She has to be. Life after death has to continue in the form of a spirit! I am a firm believer in angels and nana was an angel to me when she was living and forever she will be my angel walking beside me!

20130819-170354.jpg
Happy birthday my beautiful angel! May you be celebrating with loved ones on the peak of roof tops, doing the hot shoe shuffle!

Keep the Faith!

20130804-185027.jpg

This time last year our life took a massive turn for the worst…my husband was without a permanent job! It was a position in the 10 years we’d lived together that we had never faced before! In fact it was a position that either of us had ever faced in our lives! It left us feeling shattered, insecure and wondering if we were able to keep up paying all of our bills! Thankfully Kane has wonderful mates who threw him casual work as much as they could! Beggers can’t be choses in a time like this and I appreciate everyday how hard my husband worked to keep us afloat!

I as the budget guru of our house, managed to keep our head above water. It’s times like this I appreciate my love of saving, because it sure came in handy! I never looked at this situation as poor us, because I knew there were so many more people worse off than us. Thankfully we have a very supportive family who could help us if we needed it and if things came to things I would have had to go back to work more than my two days. But it didn’t get that bad! From Kane’s pure determination and dedication to finding a permanent job, something eventually fell into his lap! It was a ‘not what you know but who you know situation’, but without his skills for the position he wouldn’t have been able to for fill the role!

I’m so happy to say that after going though such instability for months and months last year, we are finally back on track like our lives have always been!!! It’s taken a while, but we’re good, we’re comfortable and most importantly we’re happy and still married lol! Kane is loving the role at his job and November marks one year already! We just bought a new car – a seven seater sports wagon and we are just about to give our house a freshen up with new blinds and carpet and book a two week holiday at Christmas time!!!!!

20130804-184834.jpg

For the period that Kane was working casually, we had to watch every single cent we spent. I learnt so much from it and in actual fact it brought the realisation to the fore that we really did waste money! I guess when you’re faced with the situation we were and we still had two mortgages to pay off, plus bills and feed five of us, we had no choice but to prioritise. We gave up things like going out to dinner and takeaway and picked and chose places that were inexpensive and we always took plenty of food when we went on outings! The best thing I’ve learnt in all of this is the art of grocery shopping for 5 people a week for $200!!

In all of this, I haven’t felt like we’ve missed out on anything. Sure we didn’t do everything we normally would have done in that period of time, but never did our children complain or even realise what we were going through! I always live by the belief that as long as we have each other, then we’ll always make it through anything! And that is what I believe got us to the comfortable point we are today! We kept our faith and we never stopped believing. Everyday I would say to myself “it will happen, things will turn our way!”….that belief is finally paying off!

My Budgeting Tips….
1. Save for a rainy day! For us we put as much as we can into our home loan which helps reduce the interest but keeps the redraw increasing and is there when needed!

2. Grocery shop wisely! I have a budget of $200 for groceries per week and this covers 5 well prepared meals (which I have planned before I shop), a scraps night (eggs on toast or leftovers) and one night a week takeaway! I prepare lunches for everyone all week and the kids get tuckshop once a week! I have found myself a really good fruit and veggie shop where I spend $20-$25 a week and get 4 bags full of stuff!

3. Have specific savings accounts! I have a few accounts that I put money into for specific things….Christmas, holidays and the kids have an account each as well. It certainly comes in handy for when the times swing around and the money is needed!

4. Spend within your means! We have a credit card for obvious reasons, but we don’t use it unless we can pay it back! I really dislike owing money and if I have to pay for something on my credit card, I transfer the money straight onto it! We only purchase things that we can afford to without it ‘breaking the bank’…my husband is very lucky that I am the bargain shopper of bargain shoppers!!

5. Have a plan! Most importantly have a budget/plan for your money! Now that we are settled and it’s a new financial year, we have just started our new budget that allows us to pay our mortgage and more, save, pay bills and provide ourselves with some comforts in life!

I cannot stress enough that none of us know what’s around the corner and it’s so important to expect the unexpected or at least be prepared as much as you can be financially! When we were faced with this situation last year, it was a shock! But we’ve picked ourselves up, dusted ourselves off and have learnt so much from a not ideal situation! We are also now insured for loss of income and death…sounds morbid but I’d rather be prepared then lose everything that we’ve worked so hard to provide for our party of 5!

20130804-184735.jpg

The Big 5!!!

5 years ago on the 30th of June at 11.55am, my beautiful 10p 2oz baby girl was born. I still remember like it was yesterday pulling her from my inner soul to discover she was a girl!!!! I was so over joyed. After having a boy first, I really wanted a little girl and my wish was granted! She was MASSIVE (lol) but oh so devine. She never whimpered once and looked around at us all as if to say “I’m ready to take on this world!”

20130701-145227.jpg

Sienna Lynette Trew has been a shining star from the minute she took her first breath on this earth. She is kind. She is thoughtful. She is so beautiful and sweet but also very funny and feisty! She never wants for much and is so easy to please. She has an anxiety attack if you mention the word dress (lol) and would prefer to wear shorts and joggers over skirts and ballet flats, but she has a great sense of style of her own. Sienna is the type of child to give you her last bite of food if you were starving or her last dollar if you were broke…she is just amazing!!!

20130701-145448.jpg

Sienna was so so excited to be turning 5 this year, after all it is a whole hand worth of fingers to hold up now!!! And after what has been such an emotional month for our family, it was a lovely way to end the month on a happy note for once. Now that Sienna is in school, she had several celebrations…..

First was her school celebrations where I baked a batch of cupcakes for her and her fellow prep H students. They all sang happy birthday to her and enjoyed eating their cupcakes for morning tea…

20130701-145926.jpg

20130701-145934.jpg

Second was her party with her friends. Sienna was in control of her guest list and food, I just went out and bought and baked it all for her. She knew exactly what she wanted. I offered to put a tea party on with a few of her girl friends but she insisted on having her closest boy friends invited so the park it was. The day was spoilt by the weather, but that didn’t stop all the kids from having a ball….

20130701-150405.jpg

20130701-150427.jpg

20130701-150509.jpg

20130701-150518.jpg

20130701-150527.jpg

20130701-150535.jpg

20130701-150547.jpg

20130701-150557.jpg

20130701-150603.jpg

The third and final day of celebrations was her official birthday which was yesterday! She is becoming so particular with what she wants it’s so adorable! Her request was straight hair and nails painted like me:), bowling with the family and of course lots of cake! For presents her only request was a microphone. So by granting her all of this, we had one very happy 5 year old on our hands yesterday….

20130701-151458.jpg

20130701-151530.jpg

20130701-151548.jpg

20130701-151609.jpg

20130701-151628.jpg

20130701-151634.jpg

20130701-151643.jpg

20130701-151706.jpg

20130701-151719.jpg

20130701-151725.jpg

20130701-151730.jpg

20130701-151748.jpg

20130701-151802.jpg

20130701-151823.jpg

20130701-151834.jpg

20130701-151846.jpg

20130701-151851.jpg

20130701-151900.jpg

20130701-151907.jpg

20130701-151914.jpg

20130701-151928.jpg

20130701-151935.jpg

20130701-151943.jpg

The Cake:
Due to the passing of my dear nana at the beginning of the month and the weeks of her being in hospital leading up to her passing, I haven’t baked or decorated a cake or cupcake since grandad’s birthday on April 20th. That day, unbeknown to us, was the last birthday in the family celebrated with nana present – so to say Sienna’s birthday was bittersweet is an understatement!

It was nice to get back into something that I LoVe to do though. Sienna loves rainbows so this year’s birthday theme for her has been rainbow colours with purple as the predominant colour. I’ve always wanted to try a 6 layer rainbow cake and when I showed it to Sienna, she was so excited to be getting that as her birthday cake. This is how it turned out….

20130701-175259.jpg

20130701-175305.jpg

20130701-175318.jpg

20130701-175331.jpg
Sienna loved it as did everyone and I was extremely happy with my first attempt at a rainbow cake – one of my favourite cakes to date!

All in all Sienna had a wonderful 5th birthday filled with lots of love, fun and laughter. She was very spoilt and got a beautiful assortment of presents from one direction merchandise to matching nike shoes like mine. But her favourite present that she hasn’t put down is her microphone…we may have a singer and dancer on our hands! After such a turmoil month, I sincerely hope Sienna’s birthday marks the beginning of many happy memories for our family!

20130701-174639.jpg

Thank you to everyone for all of Sienna’s birthday wishes and for anyone who helped make our little girl’s 5th birthday extra special!

What Becomes of a Broken Heart?

Life is precious. Life is a treasure. But sometimes life is just unfair!!! After watching my nana suffer with Parkinson’s Disease for the past 5 years, we found ourselves saying a lot, that is was just ‘unfair’ that nana had to live out her life with a debilitating disease that day by day took her ability to live a good quality life. Then to pass away the way that she did, we found ourselves again saying that it was just unfair!!! Our hearts broke in a million pieces the day nana took her last breath on this earth…now what becomes of our broken hearts??

If that wasn’t bad enough, last night my cousin and her husband had to say goodbye to their precious baby boy at the young age of 6 weeks old. Now how ‘unfair’ is that! Having to cope with a broken heart from losing a love one is one thing, but losing your child has to be the most unfair card dealt in a lifetime…now what becomes of their broken hearts!

17 years ago my uncle lost his wife, 7 years later his first-born child was tragically killed in a car accident – again how ‘unfair’ is that and what has become of his broken heart??

There are so many sayings that keep going through my head:
Whatever doesn’t break you makes you stronger…
Things happen for a reason…
Things happen to people who can handle it…
But why does it need to happen in the first place!?!?

This year has been terrible! I feel like it’s been one bad news story after another and not just with our family with lots of people! Every time I turn the news on or read any social media, someone is grieving or someone is fighting for their life….from this means lots of broken hearts have happened – what becomes of them?

I believe I am a very positive person and try not to let things get me down. But lately, with what our family has been through over the past few months you do start to question the faith that you’ve always held!

As my beautiful family try and start to rebuild the faith that has been lost of late, I’m trying to keep a positive mind and focus on the things that do become of a broken heart…
*strength
*courage
*character building
*the bond of a family unit becomes even more united
*the legacy our loved ones have left, allow us to keep moving forward in memory of them!

No one can mend a broken heart, time is the only thing that will help it to heal. The time is not measurable but with the love and support of family and friends around it sure helps take the edge off!

20130616-195744.jpg

Our Pathway Back to Normality!

It’s been over a month now since my beautiful nana passed away. The road back to normality has been bumpy with a few twists and turns. I know it’s going to be like that for a while. Each day starts a new step forward. Some days you feel like you’ve made progress with a couple of steps and then other days you feel at a standstill and even regress a step. It only takes the kids doing something funny to put a smile on your face or the feeling of satisfaction when your house is clean, the washing is up to date and a nice meal has been cooked to feel like you are moving forward. But then it only takes a song, a photo or a smell to bring back a memory – a memory that is so great your heart hurts like anything!

20130706-135117.jpg

With the school holidays coming to an end and a new semester of school about to start, I’m hoping the pathway back to normality will start to form shape. Over the past two weeks, having all the kids home and celebrating my eldest daughter’s 5th birthday has started to pave the way for some happy times. We’ve done many things to keep ourselves busy such as: play dates, lunches, walks, movies, trip to town and just relishing in each other’s company!

School holiday fun:

20130706-140043.jpg

20130706-140107.jpg

20130706-140134.jpg

20130706-140142.jpg

It’s been nice to do things around the house that I haven’t had time to do. It’s been nice spending time with my party of 5. It’s been nice to get back into my baking and cake decorating again and it’s been nice just to sit back and take in what my life holds and appreciate it!

20130706-141425.jpg

Now it’s time to release myself to the world again….bit by bit I’m starting to want to do things again. I’ve enjoyed spending time with some of my beautiful friends over the past two weeks. My running goals are set for the rest of winter and I plan on blogging more than I have been. The past few months has led me to focus solely on the most important things at hand and that has been my loving family. We will continue to be there for each other during our grieving process, but slowly but surely we will start venturing out a little bit more. There are still things I haven’t brought myself to do yet, but I know once the winter months are over and the sun shines brightly more and more, I will feel the urge to do those things.

For now though, as I sit here and enjoy a day of sunshine, I will continue to be the best I can in all the areas of life that I am. There will never be a day where I don’t think of the courageous women I call my nana, nor will I stop shedding a tear from time to time. But I will live life and enjoy it just like my beautiful angel would want me to, all while she travels along side of me each and every day!

20130707-150232.jpg

Moving Forward….

20130608-190705.jpg

It’s been a week now since my nana left the world in which we live. Since then we’ve shed many tears, reminisced about the wonderful times we’ve shared with our beautiful lady, we’ve laughed, we’ve cried some more and we came together to share in a memorable service to celebrate the fabulous person my nana was!

Now it’s the aftermath….
The time when everyone goes back to their respective places of dwelling, work resumes again and the times spent together are fewer than they’ve been. It’s during this time, now the formalities are over, that the real grieving process begins. Over the coming months we’ll feel as though we are climbing a sea of mountains with many peaks and troughs! Today we feel worse than yesterday, but tomorrow we may feel better, until the next day rolls over when we feel worse again. And it may just take a song or a piece of material to remind us of the hole that nana has left, but together and with the ever lasting memories of nana we will get each other and more importantly grandad through this difficult time!

It still feels so wrong that we’ll never be able to hold nana’s hand again, help her out of her chair or brush her hair to make her feel relaxed, but to save our own health and sanity, we have to make peace with the fact that nana isn’t suffering anymore and that she will always live on with us everywhere we go! Nana would want us to pick ourselves up and keep soldiering on and in her memory we must do that! If there is anything I’ve learnt from the dearest grandmother I know, it’s not to feel sorry for yourself. My whole life I’ve seen nana in pain as she had scoliosis from a young age and was told she would be in a wheelchair by the time she was 50. At 75 she was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease and was still walking and never once in the 33 years I was blessed to have her, did she ever complain or say “why me !”…even when her daughter and grandson passed away!

It’s quite ironic that although nana isn’t physically here anymore, she will be the one to help us move forward. Every time we weep, every time we feel sad or mad about the situation all we have to do is think of how nana coped with all the terrible things thrown her way. Time after time she moved forward and with such grace and dignity…if nana could then so can we!

To my beautiful family: we can do this! It isn’t going to be easy but we have been given a gift from nana and that is the gift of strength! Nana taught us how to love, how to nurture, how to laugh, how to be creative and most importantly how to be strong. It’s with this strength that we will feel happy and content again. It may not be today or tomorrow but the day will come when our tears are less and the smiles are greater. It’s a hard pill to swallow the thought of picking yourself and finding ‘normality’ again. Moving forward is not about forgetting nana, it’s about enjoying life for nana as she is unable to anymore…..

20130608-190624.jpg