My Little Evolving Lady:)

My how things can change quickly!!! In the world of a toddler, their development can immerse over night, let alone a week! This time last week, I had convinced myself that Mia (2 and 8 months) wasn’t going to be toilet trained anytime soon and like I would have been in the past, I wasn’t really fazed. Over the years of being a mother, I’ve relaxed into my role. With my first I was so routine and structured and wasn’t flexible at all. Then my second came along and the reins were loosened a bit and by the time our third came along, well lets just say that left me with very little time to worry or stress over much. Everyday I hit the ground running and my goal was always to make sure the kids were fed and bathed, the rest always fitted in around that. The only common denominator to all three children was consistency with rules and boundaries!

Over the past 7 and a half years, I’ve changed thousands of nappies, wiped poo and wee off three tiny little bottoms and am happy to say (but with a tear in my eye) my days of nappies are almost over. Last Thursday a miracle happened (well it was to me because it felt like it was never going to happen lol) Mia finally did a wee on the toilet!!! Hearing those 5 little words “mummy I did a wee!” out of my sweet little girl’s mouth was like music to my ears! I’ve been working (inconsistently) on toilet training for a few months now. On a nice warm sunny arvo I would let Mia run around in undies and we would go through the steps: Where do we wee or poo? Tell mummy if you need to go to the toilet! I’d ask her every 10 minutes if she needed to go and I’d sit her on the toilet every half an hour.

Mia could talk the talk, but she couldn’t walk the walk. Half her problem was that she wouldn’t sit still and concentrate on going. She is a real fidgety child and no matter how much I would remove everything around her so she had nothing to touch, she still would find an excuse to fidget. I never got mad or frustrated at her, as it was my fault that I wasn’t being consistent with the whole process. I’m the biggest advocate for consistency with anything to work successfully and that I wasn’t doing. When Bailey and Sienna toilet trained, I didn’t have anyone in school. We could stay home all day and focus on the task at hand. Now I have two kids in school, my days are busier than ever and am rarely home.

I had resigned myself to the fact that I wasn’t able to be consistent until the Christmas school holidays, but I knew Mia was close to finally letting go of her nappy. Instead I was being patient and encouraging her every chance that I got. Over the past month, Mia has gone from accidents all the time, to holding on for a couple of hours and then doing an accident, to doing a tiny wee in her undies and stopping herself from going, to actually telling me she needed to go…but still not actually going – this was happening even when offering a treat as the prize!! Then that moment of glory and what I would say was the key to my success….diced bacon!!! “Diced bacon” you say lol!

Last Thursday afternoon was very different like all the other days I’d tried. Mia seemed focused and determined to hit the jackpot and earn her treat! Instead of sitting on the toilet for 5 minutes trying to go she was determined to stay there until she did a wee. I kept saying “let’s try again later” Mia kept saying “no I’ll do it now!” I went about my business, cooking dinner, homework and the like and when I checked on her while chewing food, I had her attention. She asked could she have what I was eating – diced bacon. I placed a few bits in her mouth, just enough to allow her to relax and alas…she did a wee!!!!!

We were all SO exited!!!! We did a happy dance and she thought that was hilarious. She was super proud, as was I and she happily enjoyed her treat! She told the world! Well the world to her is all her family. Every time someone called or came over…”I did a wee on the toilet!!!” and we’d all cheer again! She didn’t go again that night but the next day I was determined to take this lead and run with it!

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Mia enjoying her treat after her first wee on the toilet!

I was really hoping that the day before’s success wasn’t a once off and I had a really good gut instinct that once Mia did that first one, she’d take to going to the toilet like duck to water. Thankfully I can say she did. Day two was deemed a huge success. No accidents, telling me when she needed to go, a dry day sleep nappy, a successful shop visit even with a pit stop, and OMG her first poo on the toilet! I went to bed on such a high and was super proud of the little lady who had told me for weeks that “I’m too little to sit on the toilet!” lol!
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Super proud of my super star toilet trainer!

Almost a week on and Mia is completely toilet trained with her wees. She doesn’t wear a nappy to bed in the day now and even though it only took to day three to wake with a dry night nappy, I still put one on her just in case. BUT where she had done a couple of poos on the toilet, all of a sudden she has decided that she doesn’t like doing a poo on the toilet anymore! Again I’m not to fazed. I went through hell with my son and number 2s and if there is anything I learnt it’s not to force them. This is my next hurdle with ‘a life with Mia’ lol, but like everything else, I will be there for her and we will get through it!

It’s all getting a bit real now. My days of having a baby are almost at the end of its trail. I’m in two minds about it all. Apart of me is happy and I’m really embracing the little lady that is evolving before my eyes, but then I let myself think back to all the wonderful times I’ve had when my children we little babies and I’m sadden that I’ll never get to birth or breast feed again. I’ll never wrap another baby up or smell them like they are food (how delicious do babies smell lol). But one thing is always for sure, no matter how old my babies are, they’ll never be too old to kiss or cuddle. I may not be needed like a was when they were tiny babies, but while I’m on this earth, I’ll always be needed by them, just like I always need my mumma:)!

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I’m sad to leave the baby phase behind, but I know there are so many exciting times ahead of us!

For now I will enjoy the baby that is left in Mia. She is cutting her last tooth…finally and in the new year she will go into a bed. I think once our home doesn’t hold a cot in it anymore, that will really be the day that my baby days will be over;(

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“I think I’ve made it!!!”

As the school holidays come to an end, I’ve been reflecting back on the past two weeks that have been absolutely wonderful! No stress, no rushing, no deadlines to be met…to me that is what I call bliss! The kids and I have spent many a morning snuggling in bed and days where we’ve pottered around the house in our pjs. We have done so many wonderful things from – beach play dates, to bowling, to playground visits and have swam, swam, swam! The weather at this time of year is always lovely, but this year it has been exceptional!!!!

For the first time since becoming a parent almost 8 years ago I think I can finally say “I’ve made it!!!”…through the “baby” years anyway!! It’s the first school holidays where my littlest baby Mia (who is 2 and a half) doesn’t seem so much of a baby anymore and has happily joined in with everything the two older ones have done. She is getting to such a great age now where her day naps aren’t as big of an issue anymore and she is so happy just to cruise along with what we are doing without any fuss. In the past, we would plan our days around “the baby” and choose activities that were “baby” friendly and having 3 babies in 5 years, those years of “baby” planning have gone on for a long time!! I even managed getting my toes done with Mia in toe and she was an angel!

I have spent so many hours just sitting and watching my babies play together (nicely most of the time). I seriously could do this forever. I get so much enjoyment watching their faces when they are happy and having fun. The excited looks on their faces when they’ve discovered something or created something. I’ve kicked footballs with them, taught Sienna all the passes in netball, I’ve chased each of them and been chased by each of them, we’ve walked and scootered many kilometers and my favourite – have been kissed and cuddled a million times over!!

We have spent most of the school holidays without Kane as he has worked really long hours and is currently in Sydney for the NRL grand final, but that hasn’t stopped us from having fun, even though we are our happiest when we are all together! It hasn’t been all roses. The first week was close to perfect and then the second week hit, Mia woke with croup and the two older ones started to get on each other’s nerves – but we got through it and not once did I hear anyone say “I’m bored!” Despite some downs, it really has been an awesome two weeks! And this weekend with Kane away the kids have been brilliant! So helpful to me and to each other – so lovely to see!

Now, as we prepare to face another term of work, school, homework and recreational activities, we will cherish the time we have left before Tuesday morning is upon us and we hit the ground running for the next 10 weeks! I hope everyone has had a wonderful time on the school holidays and good luck for the last term of the year – seems so crazy saying this! It’s almost Christmas – OMG!!!!!

School holiday highlights…

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A Mother’s Guilt….

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Why is it, that a mother spends so much of her time feeling guilty? It’s like the minute we gave birth, a pit in the bottom of our belly wasn’t filled properly and that’s where our guilt is stored. I can’t shake the feeling of guilt this week!

As you all know my precious baby girl…who will always be my baby girl to me, started school this week. It seriously only feels like yesterday that I birthed her 10 pound 2 baby body. Where has the time gone? It just doesn’t seem right that she is already off to school! When my first baby started school, he was completely ready and to be honest so was I! Bailey and Sienna are so different. Bailey has always been quite challenging and demanding where Sienna has always been my carefree sweet little pea that has been my shining light on a dark dim day! And my third baby…a lot like her brother lol!

I’ve been questioning myself…why? I’ve done this before it should be easier!! But instead of being ok with Sienna starting school, I feel guilty that she has grown up so quickly and I feel like it’s my fault, because when Sienna was 2 and a half we had our third baby and life has been like a rollercoaster since! Bailey was lucky and had me to himself for 2 and a half years before Sienna was born and Mia will now have me to herself for three years before she goes to school…what time has Sienna had with me on her own? She was fortunate enough to have a month with me on her own before Mia was born! A month!!! And in that month I was diagnosed with a heart condition and rushed in to have our baby as we didn’t know what was going to happen!

So this week I can’t help but feel guilty for my precious middle baby. All these things have gone through my head…she didn’t ask to have a baby sister! It’s not fair she hasn’t had the time with me the other two have! She’s been lost in the process of us having a third baby!!! I know it’s crazy and I shouldn’t be thinking like this, but I just can’t help it!!! Sienna has always been so soft and gentle. She was the little girl in the playground getting pushed over and the precious little poppet who always needed to know where her mummy was and the touch of her mummies hand mad everything just super! She holds her own at home with family, but is so different from my two February babies – who I love more than life itself as well, but geesh lol!!!!

Sienna has always pulled at the heart strings. She is my emotional little bunny that cries and gets her feelings hurt quite easily and suffers separation anxiety! I am extremely proud of how she is handling prep though;) It was only twelve months ago, when I dropped her off at preschool two days a week, that she would scream for me when I left. It broke my heart, but I had to walk away as I knew she would adjust…eventually! And that she did. She has grown and matured so much over the past year. She still has a few tears when I drop her off at prep and throughout her day, but is becoming so brave and holds herself together which makes it so much easier for me to turn away and leave once I can see she is happy….I know this is pay back as I did the same thing to my mother lol…but that makes it worse because I know exactly how she feels! Her little “I missed you today mummy” will eventually pass with TIME and thankfully she has the most sweetest teacher who we all adore!

Every child is different and losing each child to their schooling years also feels different! For Bailey and I, him going to school was the best thing for our relationship and that has stayed as strong as ever, but I really miss my Sie Sie girl…and so does her baby sister! And once Mia starts prep, I would have been home with the kids for 10 years so I’m guessing I’ll be celebrating lol…but really I’ll be mourning the loss of not having anymore babies at home!

I think I’ll always have a guilty feeling when it comes to my Sie Sie girl, my middle child, my thumb sucker, my June 30th baby! But I will make sure I spend forever making it up to her, not that she even notices and this is the thing…WE as mothers spend our time agonising over things and feeling guilty when our precious little gems really couldn’t give a hoot…arrrr! lol…oh the joys of being a mum!

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Dear Sienna,
I love you baby girl! From the minute you entered this world and were placed on my chest we formed a mother/daughter bond like no other. You are my shining star when it’s too dark to find my way and you sure know how to make me laugh. From a baby to a toddler you were such a good little poppet that never did any wrong by anyone. Your amazing smile lights up the room and you’ve always been so beautiful with your ringlet blonde hair and olive complexion. We are so proud of how far you’ve come and can’t wait to be apart of all your special occasions along the way! Be brave baby girl, once you settle and show your confidence, you have the potential to achieve anything you want!
Love Mummy…xoxoxo!

To all my fellow mummies who have had a child start kindy or prep this year be strong everything takes TIME!

It’s Hard To Let Go!

Today I finished sorting the last bedroom in our house – my baby girl’s room! As I placed each item of clothing in a pile that is too tiny for her now, I felt sick, sad, depressed that no baby of mine will wear those clothes again:(……I thought I was ok about moving forward but quite clearly I’m not!

In the past month Mia has gone from a baby toddler to a big girl toddler and as she discovers a new trick and speaks a new word or phrase, it reminds me more and more of how my days as a mother of a baby are slowly dwindling! A couple of months back I wrote a blog on ‘Knowing When You’re Complete’, I know in my heart (literally) we won’t be having anymore children but that doesn’t mean I’m at peace with this (like I thought I was)!

I’m really bad at the moment and can’t even bring myself to look through the kids baby photos! What’s wrong with me…I’m an emotional basket case!!!! Their baby photos bring back such powerful (and the best) memories just like they were yesterday! I still remember the minute each of them were born and placed on my chest, the instant bond that no one could come between. The baby smell oh how I loved thee, to the point I could have eaten their little cheeks off lol! The precious moments of breast feeding, having them smile and laugh at me for the first time and all the other special milestones that our babies reach! No wonder letting go is so damn hard!

As I see a pregnant women or a newborn baby I smile with happiness for them, but behind my smile are tears of sorrow. 6 months ago if you asked me am I done, I would of said hell yeah!! Mia was such a difficult baby and for a long time put me off having anymore. But now my sweet little pea is content and happy, it has shadowed all the hard times. Someone at work asked me yesterday am I done, this time my response was unfortunately:(

I would love a 4th baby to even our family up, but my life’s path decided it wasn’t meant to be the day I found out about my heart! I probably may not have had a fourth anyway, but there are times like now that the fact the decision has been taken out of my control makes me feel mixed emotions! I’ve loved having babies, it’s been the absolute best time of my life so far….but OMG how fast has it gone!!! After writing a piece last week about our wedding day 8 years ago and now we have 3 adorable children in toe….please time SLOW DOWN!!!!

I know I need to get over myself and move forward and I will. I don’t know what it is but it’s just not sitting right with me at the moment! Yes I feel blessed with my 3 beautiful babies and yes I’ve worked hard to regain the old me back and yes if I had a fourth their ears would be disastrous like their brother and sister’s, but I think no matter how I look at the situation I would always want another one if it was my 4th, 5th or 6th….because having babies is something I love and was meant to do which is why I’m finding it hard to let go!

I’m just so glad that I’ve cherished each moment through a photo, video or piece of clothing. Because it’s these memories that will always keep my ‘baby days’ alive for me….these are some of those special memories and things that I will never part with:
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Our first photo as a family!

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Mother and son:)

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Bailey meeting his sister for the first time…this photo brings tears to my eyes every time!

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I couldn’t believe my eyes when we saw the number on the scales….10 pound 2!!!

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Mmmwah!

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This photo of Mia still spins me out!

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Love this photo:)

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My miracle baby who saved my life!

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And then there were three:)

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I feel so blessed I have my party of 5!

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Mia at 6 months….my favourite baby age!

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Bailey’s outfit he wore when he left the hospital!

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Kane bought this sleeping bag for Sienna from the Mater fundraiser.

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One of the many beautiful wraps mum made for Sienna which Mia also used!

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Bailey’s dummy holder he wore to bed!

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One of many hand knits that I wore when I was a baby and my daughters have been able to wear!

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That’s how all my babies started….helps when their aunty is one:)

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This is the box where all the things I just can’t part with will live….I’ve also got Bailey’s first dummy, I kept a spare newborn nappy to show the kids when they are older how tiny they were. I’ve also kept their hospital bracelets, name cards and clamp from their bellybutton ….I know I’m a freak!!!! Lol!

I know I have so much more to look forward to as each of my children grow and develop….but there just isn’t anything quite as beautiful than a snuggle with your newborn….but I do think snuggling with any of my babies no matter how old they are sure is just as precious!

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xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox