A Moment of Silence…

Shhh….can you hear that?
It’s a moment of silence!!
No one is speaking, shouting, calling out mummy!
No one is crying, debating, questioning or whingeing.
It’s in this moment of silence that I draw strength from to get through my day…

I love being a mum, the best job in the world, but it can leave you feeling overwhelmed, exhausted and a little bit moody if you don’t take the time to recharge! Being a mum doesn’t mean you are automatically invincible…we are still human and human’s have feelings, emotions and needs to be met. Our priority is our children and making sure they are being nurtured and cared for like treasure, but we as mums still need to look after ourselves so we can keep fighting the good fight each and everyday!

Do you manage to get a moment of silence?
Once the day begins it’s full of feeding, dishes, making lunches, sorting uniforms, homework, dropping kids to school or recreational activities, washing, folding, house work cooking, shopping and spending time playing with the kids! There isn’t a lot of time in there for moments of silence except when you’re sleeping – and if you have a child who is a terrible sleeper, even that doesn’t happen then! I love my moment of silence. Whether it’s for half an hour, two hours or fifteen minutes, it’s enough time for me to regather my thoughts enough to (depending on when it is) start the day or finish off the rest of the day!!

I need this time to debrief with myself over any major issues that are happening, organise stuff without little ones hanging off me or just to rest and rebuild! For my moment of silence to happen I have to be in a good routine and be super organised. It’s taken a while to establish all of this and usually when I’d think I’d gotten it down pat, another baby would come along to make it even more tricky! These days, now the kids are a little older and 2 out of three are in school, I manage a couple of hours a day for my moment of silence while Mia has her day sleep (that’s only on my non working days)! I also exercise about 3-4 hours per week which is another essential part of my life now and allows time for a moment of silence as well:)!

What to you do when you manage a moment of silence?
There are so many things I love to do when I get the chance to have a moment of silence! I’m like a kid in a candy store if I know I have some time ahead of me to myself! Time – that word in the english dictionary should have ‘precious’ next to it, as that is what time is! When I’m granted time to myself I use it wisely and try to utilise it to its maximum!

My moments of silence involve me….
*catching up on my tv shows
*folding washing (I know boring but I don’t like ‘help’ with this job lol)
*blogging
*facebooking
*catching up on messages
*paying bills
*painting my nails/toenails
*straightening my hair
*relaxing on my sun lounge
*running or walking
*instagraming
*crafting

Having a moment of silence doesn’t mean you’re neglecting your job as a mother or wife, especially if it’s incorporated into your daily routine and balanced in with the rest of your crazy busy life! Remember mummas we are only human and if we don’t allow just a little bit of time for ourself each day, life will feel like ground-hog day, which after a while gets mentally frustrating and creates unnecessary angst and stress! And we all know a happy mumma is a better mumma:)!

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Time Machine….

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Is it just me or does anyone else wish they had a time machine that would take them back to a special memory or moment in time that was once lived?

This past week has got me thinking a lot about my past and all the wonderful memories that have been made. I’ve closed my eyes several times this week and imagined times when I was little, times with all of my loved ones, times when I was at school, times when I made netball teams, times at high school and even as recent as the time when I first became a mum. All these memories make me smile and have help shape the person I am today!

The most fondest of memories I’ve been playing over and over in my head recently are ones with my dear nana:) If you are a regular follower of my blog, you would know that my nana has been living with Parkinson’s Disease for the past 4 years and just of late has really deteriorated. The most recent mishap has caused nana to be hospitalised. Up until last week nana was living at home and being cared for by my grandad with the help of my wonderful mother, Blue Care nurses and staff and of course all of us would pitch in and help where it was needed. But regrettably the time has now come for nana to go into a nursing home….this breaks my heart even typing this;(

I’m 33 years of age and have had my nana for that whole time…but somehow it only feels like 5 minutes and I would do anything to go back in time and relive all the wonderful times we’ve shared together. My grandparents are more than just that…they have been second parents to us girls and I’ve been so lucky for the past 8 years having them live two doors down from us:) I already miss being able to pop in and say hello to nana, taping on her window after a run, beeping the horn when I drive past and just knowing that she is so close by…this is how I feel…I can’t even imagine how my poor granddad feels;( How do you move forward when your life as you’ve always known it is no longer? 60 plus years of marriage and living together to suddenly not having that anymore;(…it makes me sick every time I think about it. My heart breaks more and more each day for the beautiful couple who love each other dearly and have spent three-quarters of their life together.

How things can change in a short time. No less than a week ago nana was at home and in a good routine. We knew that the time was getting closer to nana needing full-time care by professionals, but that doesn’t soften the blow any. It’s taken this turn of events to kick the decision into overdrive and it’s really hit everyone hard. I only said to mum the other day…”how did we get to this point!” even though nana is 80 it just doesn’t seem right and we’re not ready…but will we really ever be?? I just can’t comprehend how such a vibrant intelligent women has been dealt such a cruel blow and instead of my grandparents enjoying the ‘retirement’ part of their lives where they should be enjoying cups of coffee out on lunch dates, grandad has to watch his wife fight hard everyday through pain and discomfort!

But I am so happy to say that nana had an endoscopy today and the reason why she was rushed to hospital has sorted itself out…what a legend this women is! A true inspiration to anyone who knows her. It was only a week ago that we didnt know what was going to happen to nana and the worst case scenario was devastating everyone. She still has a road ahead of her to be able to be discharged from hospital and then the beginning of a new chapter will begin…but as hard as it will be, as the strong family unit we are, we will all make sure the transition will be as good as can be for both nana and grandad!

It is certainly times like this I’d love a time machine to go back in time and relive all the great times I’ve shared with both nana and grandad…forever those times will be fond memories and the times spent with them both now will always be cherished!

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This photo just oozes true love:)

It’s Lovely to be Loved!

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It’s been a week now since school resumed and a new cohort of preppies begun their journey into education! How’s your little preppie going? Loving it? Hating it? Upset? Mine…not as good as I’d hope:/

I always knew in the back of my mind that Sienna may get a little upset when leaving me. 12 months ago when she started preschool (which was the first time she’d gone anywhere) she suffered terribly from separation anxiety! Like prep, she is always happy to go, but the thought of mummy leaving her cuts to her core! But I thought she was going to settle ok. She has come so far since the first day she started preschool. She was so excited when we were buying her uniforms and essentials for prep and wanted to try it all on everyday in the week leading up to school starting. She told everyone we saw “I’m going to prep…finally I’m going to big school like Bailey!!!” This was making me confident and at ease…but I still had a feeling!

I was waiting and watching for signs in the days leading up to starting prep. But there was nothing other then positive talk and excitement…I actually started believing that maybe she was going to be ok! The first morning of school she was super excited and organised! She was up and dressed by 6.30 lol! There was no sign of distress or anxiety. We got to the school and still ok. But then between the gate and me taking Bailey to class she lost sight of me for a second and that’s when it started. The tears started to flow and “I don’t want you to leave me mummy” was what she kept telling me!

My heart sunk. I was a little surprised, but apart of me knew it was possible. But then something came over her. Once she walked into her prep room (which is like home as my nephews and Bailey were in the same class) she put on her big happy smile and was so relaxed. We did puzzles together and she waited patiently for Mrs Hollier’s instructions. But I was waiting for it…and it never came. She was fine. I left with her smiling and waving “bye mummy!” what a relief…I was so proud of her!!! When I arrived to pick her up, I asked her teacher how her day went and she said there were a few times where she was teary but not too bad… Phew! I was relieved!

The second morning was just as great. Sienna was happy to return, settled beautifully again with her smile and “see you this afternoon mummy!” Only once during the day she was emotional. I was so stoked! I actually Was letting myself relax and believe that thank god two out of two children have settled into prep with no major dramas. Then day three hit. She didn’t want to eat breakfast, getting dressed in her school uniform wasn’t as exciting and although she had another excellent drop off with no tears, she cried on and off all day;(

After lots of chatting and reassuring, I was certain Friday, her last day of her first week was going to be successful, but it was worse;( For the first time she cried when I had to leave, she cried on and off all day to the point her eye was so red when she came to greet me in the afternoon and she hardly ate all day;( I started my weekend feeling quite distressed about it all….and so different when I’m usually on the other end:/…being the teacher in this situation is so much easier I tell you!

We went away for the weekend and I let her have heaps of time where we didn’t talk about school…I just wanted to see her relaxed. Her belly must have been churning so much during the week that I felt it was important to just leave the issue alone. When I did ask her why she cried all the time, her response wasn’t because she had no friends or because she didn’t like school or her teachers, her response was “because I missed you all day!”…god bless her cotton socks! And it is just that, because every afternoon when she sees me I get the biggest kiss and cuddle and she spends the first 5-10 minutes gazing at me and is as happy as pig in mud…it really is lovely to be loved!!

Now we are in the second week, she is no better, in fact worse in some ways. Monday morning was the hardest of all. She had to be pulled from me screaming “mummy I want you, I don’t want you to go:(!…just one more kiss mummy;(!” It literally broke my heart. I shed some silent tears, but my little darling girl will never know this! It’s so important as the parent to put on our brave face, breathe deeply and walk away, even though you just want to hug them tight and sit with them until they stop crying! I was so grateful that the school rang to tell me that she had settled nicely and was having a good day…what a relief! There is nothing worse than knowing your child is away from you and feeling upset…one of the hardest parts of parenting!

Three days into the second week and she has cried every morning, but her days are becoming more and more settled. As much as it sucks that the drop off isn’t pleasant like it was with my son, I’m content that she is settling and participating socially and academically during her school day…and eating her lunch! My aim now is to not let it get to me, I will give myself a nervous break down if I think it about it too much. So now I go and do her jobs and a puzzle with her and give her one kiss and cuddle and make a quick exit…it’s the quick exit that makes the teacher’s job a lot easier! I know she is in good hands and I just have to trust that. I know she is starting to improve, at least this week she is eating her breakfast without complaining she has a belly ache:/!

Ahhh separation anxiety. It really isn’t fun for anyone involved. It’s quite common in little ones and when you think about it it’s not a bad thing, all they are doing is missing their mummy and daddy! I know exactly how Sienna feels as I suffered it as well and even now I don’t like being far from the ones I love the most! There is nothing more we can do mummas other than keep positive, encourage them to be brave and reassure, reassure, reassure. Time is the essence in this situation and they will eventually settle and learn to be ok with saying goodbye.

Everyday Sienna tells me she missed me and although I can’t wait for the day she is super excited to be at school from the minute the first bell rings, for now I will take comfort in that at least I know she loves me and it is always so lovely to be loved!

Keep strong mummas who are also going through the same situation…we can do this and it WILL get easier and one day we will look back on this as just a memory with lessons learnt:) our little ones will settle with time!

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The Gift of Time….

Well it’s happened…my second child has started prep! She was excited, happy, a little nervous and even shed a few tears but by the time I left, she was all smiles and focussed ready to start her new adventure in life!

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I on the other hand felt sick in the tummy for days leading up to this event, but was quite calm all morning. There was no stress as everything was organised and we were WELL on time!! Yay to that:) lol! But that moment as I walked away, I felt like I was letting go of her precious little hand that I’d held so frequently for the past 4 and a half years! I was so happy that she was happy. A year ago her preschool teacher had to untangle her screaming little soul from around my legs, so to see her content made me feel at ease. But then I it dawned on me…I couldn’t believe my Sie Sie girl was actually a school student. My life that had been with my girls for the past two years would change…now it will be just me and I my Mimi! (at this point a few tears flowed)…

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So many changes in one day! My eldest baby was so cool calm and collected…obviously grade 2 is when kids start to play it cool “I’ll be right mum!”…another bit of the apron string was snipped;( I had to ask Sienna to say good bye as she was all “I’m good mum” and the eldest grandchild of our family Sebby, started high school! No wonder I’ve walked around in a complete lost daze all day!

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To over come this sense of loss, Mia and I went and did some very necessary retail therapy:) I must admit that always cheers me up lol! I saw a couple of other preppie mums while I was out and about, which was quite comforting:) My first venture with just me and Mimi…mmm is that girl going to keep me on my toes and make for a long three years before she goes to prep lol…lucky she’s cute:)

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Then I returned home! While I was starting to feel good about everything, I walked past the kid’s bedroom and spotted Sienna’s teddy! I couldn’t resist and had to pick it up and smell it! It was lathered in my darling girl’s sent. I was desperate to find out how she was going. I imagined her drawing, singing, laughing and having a great time just as she should have been! How these years are rolling by so fast! All I can say is cherish each and everyday you are blessed on this earth with the ones we love!

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Midday came around so fast, which means one thing…Mia’s nap time! This is where I kicked my own butt back into reality! There is nothing I can do with the changes that have occurred, all I can do is embrace each moment for what it is and relish in the excitement of my children! Do I wish they would stay newborns forever – yes! Do I want them to grow old – no! But I don’t have a choice so I told myself – suck it up princess and move on!!!!

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But with each new change brings something great and for me personally I’ve been given the gift of time! Now that I have two children at school, for the first time in 4 and a half years, I will only have one child at home which means I’ll have two hours a day to myself while Mia has her nap! Once I realised that, all those emotions I was left feeling quickly did a 360 turn lol only kidding! So this is what I shall embrace (until Mia drops her day sleep anyway lol) from all of this! I have big plans this year. I am hoping to be as organised as I’ve ever been within myself as a person, as a mother and as a house wife! Today is not included as I walked around for a while wondering what the hell to do as it was just soooo quiet! I’m sure I’ll get use to it though, with tomorrow being MY day one! I will have more time now to spend one-on-one time with Mia, I’ll be able to scrapbook and craft more and maybe even organise cupboards and rooms better than I have them!!

Before I knew it I was back up at the school to pick the kids up. I couldn’t wait to hear all about Sienna’s first day and how Bailey settled into grade 2. If Sie Sie came out smiling I knew it must have been a good one and alas she did! It’s that first day. Once it’s over and hopefully a great one, there maybe some bumps along the way but generally it’s all smooth sailing from there!

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This one day of every child’s life is so big…do we as parents make it bigger than it needs to be?? Maybe we do, maybe we don’t! All I know is it’s a major deal and the beginning of a very long journey that I think needs to be made a fuss of! I’ve done this twice now and today was no easier than when I did it two years ago with Bailey! All I know is, that in three years time when my littlest, my baby starts school, I will be given more than the gift of time and possibly will be found in the fetal position somewhere lol!

Highlights from first day back at school….

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