Our Sleeping Baby Is Looking Down on Us!

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Miscarriage. It’s a word that you hear so often these days. The statistics are quite high really with 1 in 8 women miscarrying and as small as 1 in four as a lot of miscarriages happen in the first two weeks of conception so aren’t actually recorded down, as women wouldn’t always realise they were pregnant. It makes you wonder why? What are we doing to our bodies? Is there something in our food? Is it contraception methods we used before wanting to fall pregnant? Lifestyle? My reason for writing this blog is to give women hope. My first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. Up until then I had hardly heard of anyone having a miscarriage. But once I started to tell people, suddenly so many women started sharing their stories with me and I went from feeling so alone to feeling like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Once I knew there were others around me who had experienced the same emotions of this particular loss, it actually helped with my healing process.

This is my story………
It’s been over 7 years now since I miscarried. We’d been married for almost 6 months. I couldn’t wait to start trying for a family of our own. If I had it my way I would have started on our wedding night, but we decided to wait for a few months and enjoy just being a married couple. A few months later, it was the start of a new year and we were on holidays so we figured there was no time like the present. I was hoping to be like the line of women in my family, who were instant breeding machines, but no such luck! Three months later though we were thrilled when the ‘YOU ARE PREGNANT’ line showed up on the stick! You cold not wipe the smile off both our faces, we were over the moon and couldn’t help but share our excitement with our family and close friends. Then the smile was wiped off my face when I was struck down with terrible morning sickness from the start! But I still smiled because I was going to be a mum!!!

Even though at this stage your baby is the size of a grain of rice, it is still a life and a life that you somehow bond with straightaway. From the minute you are given the confirmation of your pregnancy, you instantly start to plan in your head and you can’t help but love this life that you and your partner have created! I was just over 6 weeks when I started spotting. I remember it so clearly as I was at work and it was my birthday!!! I kept telling myself that everything was going to be ok. I went to my GP who ordered a scan and told me to go home and rest. I felt so helpless and completely useless for not being able to have any control over what was happening. I had a scan which showed nothing more than the fact that there was an embryo in my uterus with a heartbeat. This left me feeling very hopeful that everything would be ok. My GP was quite hopeful too and wanted me to have a week of bed rest and feet up, but he also told me that if anything was to happen at this stage of a pregnancy there is nothing they can do.

During the week I spent in bed I kept spotting on and off but nothing too serious. I kept telling my little baby rice grain to hang in there. It wasn’t until the sixth day in bed I work up feeling really positive that everything was going to be ok….this was obviously the calm before the storm. Mum had come over to check up on me and I felt like I was feeling better. I was sitting out the back on our garden bed in the sun and then things begun. I started getting period like cramps and I knew something wasn’t right. Within about half an hour or so from that first cramp, I passed a large blood clot and that signaled to me that my little baby rice grain couldn’t hold on anymore – I was 7 and a half weeks pregnant:( I went to the emergency department at the Mater Hospital who took great care of me. My blood test results confirmed that I had miscarried and I was booked in for a D and C (curette) the next morning! The whole thing happened so quickly and all I remember is I was left feeling guttered! It’s the worst feeling when something you want so desperately is given to you and then taken away from you without anyone having any control over it!

Arriving home from hospital was hard as it meant life had to begin again. It was the beginning of the healing process and the beginning of picking yourself up and moving on. I was so lucky as Kane was extremely sensitive and supportive of what I was going through and my family and friends were a huge help with all of their beautiful words of prayers and best wishes. Facing people for the first time was hard. Going back to work was the hardest. And of course everywhere I looked someone was pregnant or announcing they were pregnant. I was so happy for them but so sad for us! I felt so alone and even though my husband was experiencing a loss to, we physically go through something they’ll never know. But one thing that helped with my healing process, was talking to other women who had experienced a miscarriage as well. My beautiful mother was my rock as she had had a miscarriage at 16 weeks which was far more devastating then what I was going through. Mum had to give birth to her baby and had already felt it kick and was showing before she lost her baby. This allowed me to be thankful that I didn’t reach this point and that no matter how much pain and sadness I was going through, there is always someone else out there worse off than I!

A month passed and my cycle went straight back to normal. One good thing that came out of all of this was that I knew I was able to fall pregnant and this is what kept me positive. 6 weeks after I’d miscarried we were given our little miracle and today he is 6 years old….Bailey Kane Trew:) I often look at Bay and think if we didn’t have a miscarriage our only baby boy wouldn’t have been born. Since Bailey we went on to have two healthy baby girls, Sienna and Mia who are 4 and 18 months old. Of course with each pregnancy I always had an uneasy feeling that I would miscarry again, but I tried to not let that spoil the joy and excitement of what we were going through. I often wonder what our first little baby was and what it would have been like but now I have this vision that our baby that is sleeping is always looking down on us!

There is hope at the end of a miscarriage and I as well as so many women around the world are living proof of that. It makes me sad when I hear that someone has had a miscarriage, as it always brings me back to the day I was left feeling guttered and helpless. But with great support, determination and a positive attitude, the family you have always longed for will be created. The day I miscarried I remember thinking if I only have one baby I would be so grateful and grateful I am as I’ve been blessed with three of the most precious angels, which have helped us create our Party of 5!

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